Hotdog

Rip-Off Britain

I may be in the wrong job.

The hedge (leylandii) shown above spans the front garden, parted by a crumbling iron gate, it's perhaps 20 feet long and a good 3 feet wide. Since the photo was taken, it has sprouted a messy amount of growth what with all the summer rain we've had and, lacking the time, willpower and a long enough ladder, I've been looking for a 'man who can' so to speak.

I know, that with the right electric whizzy thing, a long ladder and some good gloves it would take 1-2 hours to trim and clear away the mess so HOW ON EARTH can someone justify charging me £90 to do it?! Is he going to give me free legal advice as he prunes the straggly shoots? Or perhaps a feng shui reading for the driveway? Maybe he's going to help me with my tax return when he's up the ladder? Or throw in a bit of life coaching as I make him a cup of tea.

Mmmm, nope. 3 jobs like that in a day, even just 4 days a week, would do nicely I think.

So I'm off down to B&Q to buy a new ladder.

Good friends

Girl friends, best friends, long lost friends, school friends, friends reunited, old friends, boy friends, work friends, furry friends, pretend friends, forgotten friends, friends to the end, cyber friends, a friend in need, pen friends, new friends, forever friends, friends of the earth, dearly departed friends, friends for life.....

And horses.

Coming soon ...

But not soon enough!

Piu maiali!

Ciao Vitti!! Ciao Emilia!! This post is dedicated to all our friends in Rome. Buona fortuna per la nascita del vostro bambino Vitti! Bacio di bacio. XX

Dorothy Porker

Writer, poet, critic and namesake for this sow. OK, I doubt they had THAT Dorothy in mind when they named her but I couldn't help myself. Down on the farm there's a new gang, just 8 days old. Like 'biceps with legs', these piggly, wriggly dudes were all plugged in and full of it. Can you count them all?

Introducing my creative director

Loathe as I am to remove the picture of Bunny from centre stage (I am rather pleased with it and yes, she's called Bunny), the blog waits for no one and I'll be nagged if I don't crack on.

Besides, she who must be obeyed, has insisted it's now time to make an entrance.

Betty was delivered to us as a rather scared and shy little girl in December 2001. She was born on a farm and so was somewhat feral meaning that adjusting to people, furniture, doors, hoovers, the usual habits of humans was all a bit of a challenge. Consequently, for the first three months, she barely showed herself during the day, remaining tucked out of sight under the bed. At night, it was a different story; in fact from day one, as soon as we were under the covers, lights out, up popped this little black slinky onto the duvet, ready to sink those needle-like teeth into some juicy toes.

As we watched orange coloured tins of IAMS turn into black cat, she gradually came out of her shell and today you will see her on her fave chair in the kitchen all day. She still has a thing for toes at night.

Anyway, lest I should sound like a batty old spinster who blogs about cats and knitting (whoops, there goes another slice of my available readership) I just need to credit Betty with the whole name thing. She said it would be purrrfect and she was right.

Bit of a blur

Mad Dogs & Englishmen

If you are of a lefty, sensitive or 'pc' persuasion, look away now.

I have deliberately kept my 'views' as it were off the pages of BW, seeing it more as a creative outlet rather than, like many blogs, a place to air ones prejudices. Besides, I am not given to ranting or sparking a debate on the rights and wrongs of something. During any such discussions, you're likely to see my eyes glaze over pretty quick.

Not that I lack views, or opinions; far from it. Oh, don't get me started .... on the lack of discipline displayed by parents and in schools, litter in the park, people who are incapable of picking up after their dogs, texting slang in any context other than in a text message, cable tv ads promoting flirty girls/ringtones/other useless crap, overpackaging, Tesco, eco-babble, the 'cult' of celebrity, teenagers complaining 'there's nuffink to do around here' as an excuse for yobbish & idle behaviour, those ruddy trampolines in gardens, overkill of street signs, people who can't read body language (you know, the signs that say "I'm not listening, please go away"), the homogenisation of the High Street, fruit that has no flavour, coat hangers, bank holiday last minute panics (everyone heads to the beach/buys up all the sausages/insists on showing too much roasted flesh), the commercialisation of Christmas, graffiti proclaimed as art .....

Oh that feels better. Coat hangers? Don't ask!

But, as I was saying, these pages are not for debating, arguing or proselytizing (phew that's a long one). No, these pages are for fun.

However, if you want some good old fashioned, highly non-pc entertainment, I implore you to buy a copy of the TinTin book shown above - rumour has it they are going to stop publishing it because of it's rascist connotations. Read it, laugh out loud at it's silly stereotypes (for that's all they are) and then consider just one of the topics I have listed and see if it isn't more worthy of your opinions.

Coat hangers excepted.

P.S. The alert ones among you will have spotted our Betty top right. As Brand Manager & Creative Director for these pages, she has reminded me that I have gone somewhat 'off message' today. As the Finance & Operations Director, I have reminded her she lacks opposable thumbs. More from her later.

Neighbourly

Have you been a good neighbour lately? We are blessed with a kind retired couple next door who often stop to chat about this and that; who have, in the past, helped with those little practical jobs that non-plus newly-weds as they make their home and best of all, who think of tying a bag of home-grown fruit & veg to the fence for our enjoyment.





Today's assortment contained runners, peppers, a few plums and a sprig of basil. How good is that?! Go on.... be a good neighbour today.

Scared of Looking Back ...

Well, most of you will know that the weekend's pig adventure was called off due to the distressing news that an outbreak of Foot & Mouth had hit the UK once again. Consequently, a ban on the movement of all livestock was imposed, leaving prize winning Ophelia to stay home and do whatever it is pigs do when the party has been cancelled (play Sowdoku? Sorry). Aside from the disappointment all round, the real fears of a new epidemic were far more worrying. For my friends down on the farm, show pigs or no, the dairy herd comes first and the current ban on movements has many implications affecting the bottom line of an already marginally profitable business. At the time of writing, the ban is still in place but we hope the 'experts' have got this one nipped in the bud, for the sake of all concerned.





Anyway, I'm feeling the need to catch up on a few things that have been going on around here lately but as usual, the day just whips along. I've also realised that in this blogosphere I'm never quite sure who I'm talking to, whether we've already spoken, whether you are even bothered, and so on. I did say at the outset you were to tell me if I was becoming self-obsessed?



So, since I don't know who you are, I'll share a new find with you and hope that one of you likes it. I've been listening to her album all week. Kate Walsh. I think it's utterly beautiful....

Say Cheese!

OK, enough already with the cheese references. Continuing instead with my current porcine fetish, I'll be off to the Cranleigh Show (www.cranleighshow.org.uk) this Sunday to watch more Berkshires competing in their beauty contest. If you are at the show, do come and find me in the pig tent. But do excuse the smell!

Just shooting the breeze

You Are Wind

Strong and overpowering A force to be reckoned with, no one dares cross you You have the power to change everything around you You are best known for: your wrath Your dominant state: commanding

What Type of Weather Are You?

I thought those of you who know me might chuckle at this. How very dare you!